Trust the Lord, lean not to my understanding

Dear Jesus,

This is harder to do than to say. Im so sad and feel let down by you God. I know what your thinking because am thinking the same thing. How dare I think a thought like that after all that you have done for me. Well, I don't know how I could but this is how Im feeling and trust me Lord am not happy with my thoughts but like your the Head over my life you also control my thoughts and this feeling that I have make me just want to die.

So any ways not only am I confused on why you would not make my period come on Monday the 14th so l that I could have surgery then but not only did you make me feel tricked but I will not be in the bed for Christmas. No baby and can't spend the day with family and I so bitter about this.

I have trusted you, had faith and trusted you. I had called and prayed every single way that I know how, I even reached out for prayer and strength to help me have faith. I also have heard you dont go on time so this pain is nothing to you been what you went through for me and my sins so even though I feel lost, sad and let donwn from yet another man. I still choose you, love you, have faith d trust you. I'm going to try so hard to again find it in my heart to truly have faith again  in the word Ja, Jesus and every prayer I feel was prayed in vain. you owe me nothing and am sorry.

All I asked for was a wink of hope you gave it and then took it away. WHY is all I ask? Why don't you don't to me. Show up? I'm not letting you go until you talk to me, until I feel your very touch and hear your breath on me. TALK TO ME...... Is this Surgery and baby your will for my life. I'm asking for help to stay on the right path why can't you tell me this. Im not trying to fail but your not giving me anything to stand on. Nothing. How does a person stay in your will if you wont even speak to THEM and tell them what that will is? Jesus talk to me. Thank you I love you.

Blessly Confused

So as you may have read I was suppose to have surgery today but God had not made my period come on so they postponed it and guess what? No baby BUT I just started. WOW talk about mixed singled but IM just choosing to love and trust God. Just wanted to give you an update no mircle just yet. God is still good and the best and worth my praise and soul. He has done so much for me and my family in a life time all I can do is love him. Im sad but still love him. Goodnight...So surgery will be next week I have to go through all this all over again.

Everyone else knew

I thought and felt like I was healed when I forgave I really did feel as if I touched the hem of God's garment. Went in to have some blood work before surgey I felt was not going to happen and I was wrong. I had faith bigger than a mustard seed once again and nothing happened. God must see that this is not in his plan and surgery is. I wanted to be spiritually healed not doctored healed. But in the end I still love and trust God Im very sad and feel let down but it is his body and life after all not mine. I just feel fooled because my period didnt come on so it made me think it was a link of hope I feel like t

Fight For Me

Lord I'm calling on you, I'm hanging on you. Im praying and trusting you to be near me. Ja I ask you in the blood that was shed at Cavery to heal my body. I pray and ask Ja to go ahead to fight for me that when I go in to take blood test before the 15 that they call and say we can't do the surgery because Im healed and have a baby inside of me. Lord, Im asking for favor in this. Im asking for this special mircle and love with favor. Lord please I will make you name known. Even if this promise dont come know im still going to trust and love you. I know you made this promise Im just asking for favor in this and asking for twin baby girls healthy. Lord God please keep me in mind. Im asking that by this time next year I will be holding my baby. Please Lord God. thank you in advance. My trust lay in you Jesus dont the doctor please have the last word God when it comes to me having a baby. Thank you. If you bless me with this this month I will know that it was in deed a mircle and your doing. Thank you.