I have been pushed to my broken point, and dragged to my knees. My heart was over taken by pain to never be mended. I yelled out to deaf ears, reached out to feel no touch. The promise I held on to so tight has been loosen by the needle of bad news. You have fibroids on your uterus and we have to have surgery to remove them. You may never carry a baby is all Iheard.It hit me like thunder hit my ears. I heard my future come undone in the matter of seconds. Something was taken over my mind. My heart was out of control with emotions. I needed to run, run fast and the place of comfort was prayer. The brotherhood that was built of Woman of Word and Men of God. Sis. Moore has the touch to sooth my ache. Sis. Butler has the voice to chase any dought away, Sis. Mills has the mind to make peace; Bro. Moore has the words to make a heart mend. Together they were the strength from God that I needed. But I couldn’t get to them yet. I was alone, cold and forgotten. I felt lied to and pushed to the wall. I was alone and there was only one person held responsible for my pain.
I took all my hurt, pain, and lost thoughts to him. I cried out. Father, you are just, you’re fair, you’re righteous, but I feel hurt, lied to, forgotten, lost and my heart is sad. I need you; I need to feel from you today. I need to feel your very touch. I need to hear your very voice. I asked you to take the desire of having a baby away if it’s not in your will. And you didn’t. Why not? Why did you let this desire become so great? I cried like never before and I still felt like God didn’t hear me, he didn’t care or wonder how this made me feel. The news of my future was to much for me to carry for a min more less hours. But I guess I’m not as strong as he knows that I am. He knew what I was going to face even days before. I just didn’t see it, I didn’t hear his voice. My son football team was loosing and he didn’t get a lot of touchdowns so I thought he was going to be upset but when he got in the car and spoke on his faith in God for his TEAM to win I was taken back by his spirit maturity, then a little 6 year old faith in baby Jesus to make it rain. Faith from babies.
God was not done with me. As I pulled into Sis. Moore house I didn’t have strenghth to even make to her front door and It took everything left in me to hold back the tears. God must have picked me up and carried me in because I didn’t feel my own legs until I stood up and cried in the bosom of Sis. Moore. I had told her the news and her hug was just enough to give me strength to sit up at the table and study Gods’ word. I had no idea what all God had in storage. I still felt like he forgot about me and he didn’t hear my cry. As the night went on min by min I was proven wrong in every way. Sis.Moore was sharing Byrans testimony of feeling lost and alone and forgotten by Christ. He spoke about his lack of faith and as she read his words my heart grew closer to Jesus. The more I heard the more I knew she must be talking about my heart. His words were like my own. At the end of his letter it was as if I was right in unity with him and at the same time we both surrendered. I couldn’t go another moment feeling the way that I was and I was out of options. The very person I felt forgotten by was the very person I wanted to feel his touch.
One fold was not good enough for God because not only did he hear my cry but as Sis. Butler spoke just out, and not knowing anything I went through that day, she said when she came to the door She felt as if I was pregnant and I broke. Frist God mended my broken heart as he held me through Sis. Moore’s touch. Showed me my error so I was able to fix it by surrendering all over again through Bryans testimony. Then the father was going to address his promise, he was going to promise me once again. Telling me he is a Man that can not , will not and shall not lie.Through Bro. Greg as he read God’s word. You would think the father was done but he was far from it. He heard my cry, felt my heart break and understood my pain. But showed me he is the head of my future, he gives life not take it away. He is who he said he is. My promise is mine and never to be taken away from Satan again. My Jesus is my Future and satan can never, will never and shall never control him. My God is my life and he is the head of my future babies. I will have life growing inside me SOON and God’s name will be, shall be known through this. God is who he says he is. I’m grateful for the people he put in my life.
