Thursday, June 30, 2011

Psalms 7:4

" And He shall give you the desires of your heart"

My desires are to have twin girls, Madison and Morgan. I was reading some Testimony from a another sight about twins and one family who have been trying for 5 years put it all in Gods hands and by grace and faith they got prego. NO Meds or help from Doctors and when they found out they gave God praise and thanks but what they didn't know was how much God had given them. At one of there doctors Appt they got a ultrasound and the doctor heard two heart beats. Could it be? Yes, It was twins. There story touched my heart and gave me more hope. Before I went to bed last night I wrote a letter to God about the desires in mt heart to have twins girls. I even wrote Madison and Morgan' s names down. 
As I layed in bed I kneed down and said my prayers, asking repenting and asking God to teach me how to love and forgive I asked God again for my twin girls. I know that I have been asking alot for twin girls but I believe in my heart that if God can bless one family with twins , the desire of her heart then I know that he loves me just the same he has not higher love from another person. SO again father I come to you asking you to see the desires of my heart to get prego with Madison and Morgan this Sep, let them be born healthy I know that twins come early but allow me to carry them full term or at lease allow them to be healthy and let them get to come home with me. Lord I know that you hear my prayer. Psalms 7: 4 You know the desire of my heart.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Panic Attacks

Ok, so I know that I just wrote a blog about how much am looking forward to my twin girls and that I’m truly faithing it, well I hate to say that I am very stressed about this. Ok, here is the truth. I’m feeling stressed about this. I’m feeling what if God really do stand on his word and bless me with even one baby? What is he stand by his word when he said we have not because we ask not, and if we had faith of a mustard seed we can move a mountain, So me having faith in having twins is simple, right? What if he honors that. What am saying is am scared if he blesses and I'm freaking out if he don’t either way the thought is making me stress, but am leaning more into him really blessing and giving me Madison and Morgan. I have to take what I said back it’s not stressed that am feeling it’s nervous. I’m nervous about the what if. Like, am thinking if it really happens and am laying on the bed and the doctor says , OK are you ready to find out what your having? and then what if I say yes, then the doc ask me what I think it is and then I tell her I think it's twin girls and then she looks at me in shock and ask how in the word did I know that? What am I to say? I want to make God's name known and use this as a testimony so how do I reply to that? or on the other end of it, what if he don't bless me at all with a baby in Sep? how do I explain that to my heart, and head. How then will David look at me or I don't know. How do I get passed it. Or what if God get funny and say ok you want babies and then give me 4? What ever the outcome is I know that if no baby I will be pissed at God and I will tell him how mad I am, but I still will love him, worship him and believe in him because he has done SO SO much for me. You can find alot of my testimonies in my otherr blogs about my spiritual Walk. But just to give u a idea. I could be dead or God could of called my number up before I got my life right with him, What I called, he could of killed me in the mix of my sin and I would of died and never had the chance to repent and live right. I have the best Son in the world, God could of not given me a child at all or taken my ponta from me, I have a Job, family, I could of been born with a different kind a family in and out of foster care, i dope house many things. Anyways, God has done enough for me. It will be hard to trust him after but I will get there because I have no choice in the manner, he is who he is and I love him with my whole heart.

Just a thought

So last night I was watching things on YouTube and I found my self thinking maybe I want triplets and then as the night went on I said to my self, no I think I just want Madison and Morgan. Not that I don't think God can do that but I just feel like am really having twins soo. Im not prego yet but I'm trusting and faithing God in his promise and I pray that he just double it by giving me Madison and Morgan at the same time and I want to have   identical twins and I would love for them to be really really identical and have a special bond and come out loving like God loves. I pray that they live there life to live for Jesus.
Have you ever put so much trust and faith in something and someone? Well, you know how they say dont put all your eggs in one bag? well, I have done that and more I not only put all my trust, faith in Jesus that in Sep I will find out that am prego but I have laied my heart right at his feet and am just praying he don't step in it but pick it up. steppin on it would be me not been prego and yes I will still love and believe in him and trust but I will be hurt but just like I have gotten over others hurting me I will get over him breaking my heart because i know in the end his love for me is something greater.
My desire to be Madison and Morgan is nothing as great as the love Jesus has for me, and that people is a fact. If you knew my heart and knew how much having these healthy twins mean to me then you will be able to see the level of Love God has for me because my sedire is great and out of this world to picture something greater like the love of Christ is unbearable. It's magical. From the Father Jesus Christ, son of God, the Head of my life. So today people my faith in having twin girls Madison and Morgan is high.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

June 26, 2011

Today am feeling sad and am not sure why. Maybe am just not feeling good feeling alittle sick, but nothing is hurting really. Werid I think. I did just come off my period but I don't ever remember me feeling this down when I do come off. I do remember this sad feeling every time I started my period because it was always a reminder of this month Iam not prego, so am not having a baby yet and that made me sad. But you know what is diffrent about this now. It's because I asked God if it's in his will then let it be so and iif it's not then take the thought away from me. Well he didnt take the thought away NO, in fact he made a promise and am waiting on it to come to pass. I'am so excited and it was his word that is bond and is true.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Deal Breaker

Father,
     Lord, how can this be. After I asked you for something solid, something real you then sent me what I feel and thought was a word from you. How else could this young lady know those things of me. Surely Sis. Lunkin is not playing a Joke or trying to be dis honest. So with that been said surly this was a true word from you and now that I feel in my heart that it was and is to come.How? How will it to come in Sep when David still get all botheared by it. Father, having Morgan and Madison is so deer to my heart, you know that right? My husband is still having issue about it. First he and I agreed and then 18 year old child came and changed his mind and he let her because he miss so much of her life she thinks we shouldn't have kids and he agree but would never tell me his true feeling about it because he knows he agreed with me and know he let her change his mind. Father this is a deal breaker. If David can't get back on the wagon with me on this then we should no longer be married. Jesus it was you that said,
“Is it lawful for a MAN to divorce...” (Matthew 19:3).
Therefore what God has joined together, let no MAN put asunder [ apart ]” (Matthew 19:6b).
Father, he has allowed another asunder and his daughter is it so father I know you said it is unlawful for us to divorce unless cheating, but cheating can also be a man or woman putting someone above there spouse right? So with this can I leave because I want to be married to someone that is will and HAPPY to share a marriage with me, and want to make something that is a part of the two of us ( a Child). Father, I hear your word and I take it but I need you to tell me what to do from here. I'm sad and I want a baby, you have promised me with more kids and I just don't know how you going to make this happen when David thinks the way that he does.
Madison and Morgan I want you more than my word can express and am praying and faithing you to come to my belly soon. You dad is having a little bit of a issue with you coming but through God we can do all things and God can turn the worse around and make it perfect. Make it in our favor. So God I ask you right now to touch my husbands heart let him see that babies are a gift from you, ahow him that he can't allow kids to make our choices and that we married each other. Father, I ask that you keep your promise about Sep and that you see it fit to carrying on to happen. Father- I lay at your feet asking you of this gift of twin girls and I believe in my heart that all things are possible. You said .

Matthew 17:20 King James Version (KJV)

 20And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

So father, I'm taking your words to heart and trusting that you are a man of your word. Your word in my heart is law and solid and real. Father in your name let it be done.

Twin Faith Madyson and Morgan

well I'am still not prego at all in fact am on my period right now. although am grateful for been on my period I still so desire to have twins. I prayed about a month ago that if having another baby is not in God's will for my life, that he would please take the very thought of having a baby away from me. He control our thoughts and he can take away my very way of thinking about babies away and that's what I asked him to do if it's not in his will for me to have more kids. I then asked Jesus, please if it is your will then let me know, I don't want it to be a thought, I don't want to think Jesus said this or that. Jesus I need something real from you saying it's ok to have another baby. I don't know how to lay a fleece but I need something solid and do you know what happened 3 days later on Sunday. I was working in the office after Church trying to get all the youth things ready for Convention and I had a question so I went to asked Sis.Lunkin. Well I forgot to tell you she had brought a guest who in fact was not into or should I say is not into Organized Churches meaning she don't go to a building to worship. (I think) anyways she came with SIs' Lunkin - Sis.Lunkin was not expecting her to come in fact she had asked her before and she always said no, anyways she came and she was there at our Church. I need to point out that I have NEVER seen or meet this lady before. Anyways I came out the office to asked Sis.Lunkin something and the two of them where in the back waiting for Bro.Lunkin to get out of Choir reshusal and  they just sat talking. Well I walked up asked Sis.Lunkin what I was going to but for some reason I stood there for a min. Then Sis.Lunkin looked at (M) I forget her name. Anyways and she says she has a testimony, she was talking about me. And at that point we all just talk. I asked if she enjoyed church she said yes and we talked aittle more abut church and then for some reason I was still stuck there. I was in the middle of doing something in the office but yet I stood there as if no where to go. Anyways, Sis. Lunkin reached for my hand and asked ( M) to do the same. So she did. Now one thing you have to know about me if I don't allow just anyone to touch me more so to pray for me. I have been told I have been like this my whole life. So when Sis.Lunkin then told M to pray for me I normally would of said o that's ok and made myself leave. But when M reached for my hand and I felt her touch it was something about that touch. It was life I felt it before and it felt safe. I remembered going to visit my Aunty and Uncle Curtis house in Austin and every time I went there or to my Aunt Deloris house and went to sleep I felt so safe and whole there. I always have trouble sleeping but I have never had sleepless night at there house even in my own home I sometime have trouble sleeping but never at their house but anyways that safe feeling if what I felt when M touched my hand. Anyways M right off started praying and she said things that was right on point. She said God was going to handle the people who touched me when I was a child that it's ok( she had no idea I was molested as a Child), she said that I need to make some changes prosay about my Job. ( she had no idea Iam talking a very important test this summer that has to do with my job, She had no idea am planning and desiring to go back to school to be a teacher, she had no idea I have been praying if this is the Job area where God wants me and it is and it was good to hear, God just wants me to go for promoting my Job.) She prayed over alot of things that I have been praying to God for and guess what she said in Sep somethings was going to happen and asked if I was done having a baby and when I said no is when she said she sees that and she prayed over my womb and then she said things is going to happen in Sep. So now in Faith am praying and faithing in God for Twin girls. Morgan Brooklyn Faith and Madison Emmalyn Grace So I will  see you in Sep to let you know if she was speaking form God or not or if this is real. I'm believing it is real because she could not know any of those things about me but from God. So see you soon and all am going to say is Try God, he is the real deal and if no baby am going to say I know God is real still but maybe it was just a word from God not a promise. Either way both is a gift. To hear a word from him is even greater than a promise because his word is a promise so from his word you get both and I guess from his promise is his word so again either way, he is the real deal. I'll update you in Sep. Bye see you soon, Morgan Brooklyn Faith and Madison Emmalyn Grace O by the way he never promised 2 babies just a baby am just having faith that it would be two. Let's see how far faith can take me. FAITH here I come and leaning on you.I just can't wait to meet Madison and Morgan. I said Iam going to wait until Sep but I change my mind I think I am going to blog daily about my mood and feelings cause I know it's going to be a up and down mood and also I think I will blog for the first year of theirr life. So join in on my faith walk I pray that God's name be known through my journey and may it help you in your life. God says in his word( the Bible) that we have not cause we ask not, I have asked and now am faithing as I call it.