Ok, so I know that I just wrote a blog about how much am looking forward to my twin girls and that I’m truly faithing it, well I hate to say that I am very stressed about this. Ok, here is the truth. I’m feeling stressed about this. I’m feeling what if God really do stand on his word and bless me with even one baby? What is he stand by his word when he said we have not because we ask not, and if we had faith of a mustard seed we can move a mountain, So me having faith in having twins is simple, right? What if he honors that. What am saying is am scared if he blesses and I'm freaking out if he don’t either way the thought is making me stress, but am leaning more into him really blessing and giving me Madison and Morgan. I have to take what I said back it’s not stressed that am feeling it’s nervous. I’m nervous about the what if. Like, am thinking if it really happens and am laying on the bed and the doctor says , OK are you ready to find out what your having? and then what if I say yes, then the doc ask me what I think it is and then I tell her I think it's twin girls and then she looks at me in shock and ask how in the word did I know that? What am I to say? I want to make God's name known and use this as a testimony so how do I reply to that? or on the other end of it, what if he don't bless me at all with a baby in Sep? how do I explain that to my heart, and head. How then will David look at me or I don't know. How do I get passed it. Or what if God get funny and say ok you want babies and then give me 4? What ever the outcome is I know that if no baby I will be pissed at God and I will tell him how mad I am, but I still will love him, worship him and believe in him because he has done SO SO much for me. You can find alot of my testimonies in my otherr blogs about my spiritual Walk. But just to give u a idea. I could be dead or God could of called my number up before I got my life right with him, What I called, he could of killed me in the mix of my sin and I would of died and never had the chance to repent and live right. I have the best Son in the world, God could of not given me a child at all or taken my ponta from me, I have a Job, family, I could of been born with a different kind a family in and out of foster care, i dope house many things. Anyways, God has done enough for me. It will be hard to trust him after but I will get there because I have no choice in the manner, he is who he is and I love him with my whole heart.
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