Dear Emmagrace

You are all I can think about, some days I just want to lay and bed and let life pass by without me because I can't have you. The one thing I desire most is something your would be dad runs from the most. I ask my self all the time is this the will of God. For me to be your mommy or Davids wife because it doesnt seem life the two would ever go together. The one gift I prayed for this season was you and all I got was the pain of the monthly flower and I hated to wakeup, I know I cant just end my life because your Brother and I love him, I love being a mom all these years before your brother the one thing I never wanted to be was a mom but once I met him all I desire is to become your mom as well and I breaks my heart month after month that I get the sight of red and what makes me even more sad is that I think the age between your would be Dad really is a issue, he has 3 daughter he has been through all that so it's nothing to him he can go on with life and be fine with never becoming a dad again but I can't say the same. I have held one to something I read in the Bible, all we need is to have faith as a mustard seed and ask also We have not because we ask not well I have had faith and I have asked and the reason I think God keep saying no is because God knows both your would be parents dont desire you so this is where am more confused. What do i do with my life I desire you so much it hurts my heart. I even at one time felt like God was not a man of his word and I HATE feeling like that when in fact he is a man of his word, its your would be dads desires and actions and i just cant live like this anymore Im sad all the time in face am depressed over this of not having you in my life. Emmagrace I desire you.