Emmagrace

Once again another month with a negtive. Have I made a wrong choice in marry him. I love him with my whole herat but the one thing I desire he has done 3 times already. I think the reason behind God not allowing this to come about his because he is not a man of cufusion and he knows David dont feel the same about me wanting emmagrace. Its sad the one thing I desire for this Christmas gift was to get a postive and to find out that I will be having a baby in 9mons but no. This season am sad, i want it to pass i dont want to open anything under the tree. Im sad and tears fail from my eyes at the sight of blood and the pain of the onthly flower, its no flower to me its more of a storm something I hate to feel coming every month. Could it be that age truly do matter when it comes to dreams and desires? I can't sleep at night cause becoming a mommy is the only thing on my mind having something that is a part if me and my husband is something I dream about all the time. I want a child by you, I see you in my dreams, you make me happy, your voice makes everything ok are all words a girl would be thrilled to hear the only issue with me is that I heard all this from someone not my husband and it could be that we are friends and Im not friends with my husband I dont even think sometime we like each other, I think we are older and use to each other being around but none of our dreams match up and that makes me sad I have to talk to david but I know this is going to cause a huge fight and Im not in the mood to fight we fight enough on our daily life together than to add something to this fire, I think if we are truthful with each other our marrige would be over. Im sad and I want and desire a baby. My one desire my husband does not one and cant give me, I wish things were diffrent but Im here and we are married and he has diffrent dreams than I do and thats fact, what do I do from here how can I go on? Should I love myself enough to tell him that i dont think we will work because of the facts? Lets be real we want two diffrent things in life and I have been telling him this forever. we need to see someone cause my feeling needs to come out as well as his. Im sad for him and Im sad for me because we have wasted 5 years we could of been building with that right person but it's our fault this is stuff we should of talked about before the  I dos but this is what we are dealt with and we need to stop holding on so we can move on no more wasted time. it's not right I want you Emma and he wants to livin the woods poor no family and be able to cheat he is so hard to love thats why he has issue been faithful and Im no longer going to waste my years I want a family I want to travel I want a christian family who loves God and puts him frist but thats not your issue so any ways I love you.